Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
The best revenge is premature balding
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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