He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
