He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
