I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I checked into jail on foursquare
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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