dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
