I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
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He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
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I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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