I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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