we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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