I think I can smell my own vagina right now
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
