When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
