At least make sure they are 18
Why
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
