then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize