I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
