12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
