I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
