I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
