Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
