I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
