Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
