She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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