Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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