Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
