I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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