Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
