If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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