can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize