I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
