you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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