Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
