Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
