She went from zero to smokin in five shots
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
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