would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I wish you could order shots online.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
