just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
