So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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