why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
