she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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