If that was your dad, he is hot
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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