I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
