I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
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