so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
