goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
