Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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