Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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