Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
