Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
