Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
