I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
