I love black thongs
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
