He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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