I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
