and you said cock pushups were impossible
Farmville is her only friend.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
