I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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