she was so not down for the gang bang
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
