you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
