Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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