Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Of course I have a pirate flag
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
