Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
