She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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