So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
