He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
