I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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