So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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