I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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