It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
