It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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