I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
We got so high we made milksteak
my being single is dangerous.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
