Where are you?
In a non slutty way
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
