ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Pants are for mortals
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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