I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
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I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
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COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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