Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
