I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
