I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
