gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
