Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
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